Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
