Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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