You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
