Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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