i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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