he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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