please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
areolas are like halos for boobs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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