No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
