Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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