ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize