he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
