with your own penis?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She even gives head with a lisp.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
