I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
