i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
