she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
