It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
