I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
