trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
