if you like me you must not know who I am
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize