Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
