i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
