Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
