Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
