Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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