when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
