Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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