If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
