It's Friday. Sex?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
