just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
