Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
