I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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