Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
