I just cut my nipple shaving
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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