your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
