May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
