You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
