If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
