i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
