just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
