atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
