That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't deserve a penis
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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