My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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