I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
