I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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