I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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