I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
