i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
