I want to walk on stilts...naked
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
