The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize