Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
