You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
