That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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