would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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