i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
