Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
