either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize