I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You took a bar mat shot.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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