I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
