Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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