i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
