Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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