Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
