mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize