My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
