Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
