Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's never too late to be topless.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
