Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
