This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
