Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
