All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
