I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
