I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
