I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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