We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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