i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
