And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
