I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
