are you still at the devil's house?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
