Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
