omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
