We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
