If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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